Curly Communications Ltd

Ebony & Ivory

2010-03-08T18:15:00.001-08:00

Family Tree's

2010-03-02T18:08:00.001-08:00

When working with people I find a couple of questions rather important to clients. Who are you? Where do you come from? What is your identity? Who do you identify with? Sometimes people cannot answer and so I will ask about their family ties and who they connect with, how they connect with them, what similarities they have. If the client does not know the answer to these questions I will often suggest going to Ian Handricks who can help with these questions. He will find out who you are, where you come from, your entire history for you.

I have met people who have been adopted, people that have lost all of their relatives, people who think they know but they don't and people that have been fed a whole lot of codswallop.

Well here is a fast way to figure out where you come from and perhaps even give you some sort of genealogical reason for being that way, and you never know, you might even find out some things that you never knew about your history before.

This person is a genius when it comes to tracking down your history. Ian Handricks. He specialises in family tree's. Digging up information on your family to put in a lovely bound book. I have seen him date back people as far as the 1700's and further back than that.

Approching Coaching

2010-01-11T21:11:00.000-08:00

A few days ago I had someone come to me and ask "How do you tell someone they need a Coach, how do you approach it?" A curly question as there are times where you will meet someone and they so desperately need help so I offered the following suggestions:

1. Tell them straight "Dude, you need help". Obviously this is a close friend you would say this to

2. Ask "It sounds like you're in a real pickle, have you thought about getting a coach to help you sort through it?"

3. Say "You know I have a friend who saw a coach for something similar and they got it sorted, would you like me to get their number?"

4. Say "OK, so are you wanting to whinge and moan or would you like to do something about it?" and if you are sick of them going on at you about it say;"because if it is whinging and moaning you have used up your quota and I am going to start charging by the minute". If you are not sick of it then you can say "because you know I am always hear to listen to you but if it's help your looking for I don't think I am qualified."

5. Hand over a brochure and say you are thinking about seeing a coach yourself and will they go with you

6. Ask a coach cold call your contact

7. Find a coach that does initial consultations for free and say "Hey I know just the person, what if you call them? What have we got to lose, besides I'd be interested in what they have to say and we could have a good ol' gas bag about that instead of going over the same old ground aye?"

8. If you have a performance issue with an employee sometimes being direct is the best approach. "Your KPI is to ensure you complete 10 cold calls per day, currently the standard is not being achieved. I have a sales coach who I know can help you. I want you to discuss all of your issues with this coach so that they can help you achieve your KPI. I want you to succeed and I think that perhaps I am not the person to help you but I want to help you, it is my job as your leader to do that. Here are their details call them and make an appointment this week and let me know when it is set up so we can meet straight after and you can debrief me on the experience." If you do not like this script turn it all into questions.

8a: Where are you at with cold calls? How many are you currently achieving? What is the standard? How successful do you think you are at this task? What are you thoughts on a sales coach? What can I do to help? Would you be willing to make contact with a sales coach and set up a time if I give you the number? What would a sales coach be able to do for you? If you don't call this coach what do you think will be next on our agenda?

So you have done that already and they refuse. What can you say to

"Nah it will be alright."

Response: How long will it be before it is not alright? Sounds like you have been nahhing about it for awhile now and it's not alright. What's alright about it?

"A coach can't help me."

Response: Right so who can? Have you seen a coach before? Is that because you don't really want help? Is a coach supposed to help you or help you help yourself? Well you could try therapy or hire someone else to fix the problem? What do you think a coach would do?

"They cost too much."

Response: And what price are you paying at the moment? Cost too much in comparison to what? How much is too much? When you say cost are you talking money or personal cost?

Essentially the idea is to coach them into coaching. You will notice there are not many statements in response to objections, only questions. The idea is to facilitate them to the idea of coaching rather than telling them. Get them to tell you what their thoughts are on coaching and without imposing (unless you have the authority to do so) share your ideas. At the end of the day if your heart is in the right place they will hear you.

What is Coaching anyway?

2009-11-09T21:37:00.001-08:00

Perhaps it might be easier to talk about what it is not and then explain what it is.

It is not:
Telling people what to do
Giving advice
Dishing out ideas
Sharing experiences
Having a nice chat
Telling clients everything will be OK
Therapy
Training
Mentoring
Consulting

So now that we know what it is not you can now measure what your coach is doing, if they are doing any of the above without clearly telling you that is what they are doing then they are not coaching!

Coaching is facilitating the client using questions, rapport building and a variety of models to help the client find the solutions from within. The client sets the agenda, the measure of success, the goal for the session, the solutions and then they go ahead and complete the actions. The coach helps them to do this by ensuring the relationship is solid for some upfront and honest answers, the coach will reflect what the client has said - almost verbatim so that the client can hear what they have just said. The coach will challenge and celebrate ideas with the client based on the clients response. This is a talented and skilled profession and the best thing is that people are really getting it.

So what does it cost for a coach these days? Bottom end $50 for this you can have a nice chat. Top end coaches are can command some pretty amazing commissions $1200 plus for a one off session. The norm in NZ? $300-600 per session. A session can go from 10 minutes to 2 hours generally speaking. Many professional Coaches will create packages designed for you. Most will hold a 30 minute free consultation and included in that will be a sample session for you.

What will a good coach get you? Answers to your questions, measures on your goals, goal attainment, motivation and intention, clearer ideas and visions, transformation from a boring bastard to a party animal or non performer to go getter! What do you want? If you want it then we will help you get it but first we might need to get you out of the way:-)

What can a coach say and do that an HR Specialist Cannot?

2009-07-22T18:08:00.000-07:00

Let me put this way:

There is a fine line between being an HR Manager, Parent, Counsellor, Therapist, Trainer, Mentor, Baby Sitter. When you know that line then you know what the other hats do for a living.

As an HR Manager if you are trying to wear all of these other hats - and many of you will be, you will also know it is exhausting, tiresome, time wasting and that you are often being used in this capacity and should not be - here is your opportunity to stop. If you do not want to stop get Trained and Qualified!

The role of the HR Manager has evolved from the traditional 'Personnel Department" where employee's got to go and get cuddled. Whilst you still care (on a personal and professional level), there are so many legal obligations one is now restricted in what and how things are said and done.

As a result of these restrictions placed on employers 'full-stop' there is now a need for external coaches, therapists etc. There comes a point in conversation/s when an HR specialist has either:

had enough of the whinging and just wants it to stop but does not know how to get it to;
realises they do not have the skill required to continue or discontinue the conversation
they know in their heart of hearts the individual needs help but this is personal, yes it has an impact on the business but you are either in too deep and need to get out or have no idea what to do;
realises that their role is to provide support which means a third party may need to come in;
the employer wants to cross all their T’s etc and would like to prove that they have gone over and above the call of duty by bringing in a coach/mentor/trainer and provide evidence such as reports knowing no matter how robust the exit strategy is, the employee will go for a PG if the final stages are implemented;
decided that this is not the expertise of an HR Manager; or
wants to implement change and has tried everything.

Some examples of work I have done for HR Managers:

Debriefed a mugging victim and reduced the feelings of anxiety and stress for the employee so that she was able to return to work within 45 minutes of the session (removed the internal movie) and face her attacker at a family meeting with a sense of dis-association three weeks after.
An employee was recruited as National Sales Manager. A new GM arrived with high expectations inherited this employee. The employee skill set was nil. I provided training to the employee and then coaching. He realised after that, that he was not a sales person and did not want to be one. The employer knew that this was but wanted the employee to come to their own conclusion eitherway.
Organisation called me with complaint re employee showing up for work with black eyes, not showing up for work, not calling in with the intention to be off work etc. Had been disciplined for poor performance however HR Manager knew that there were ‘things going on’ in personal life. Now employee has a two year personal plan in place, a belief system to prop her up, she has left the root cause and had a restraining order placed on him, business has tresspassed to protect employee and her family are forever gratful to the organisation for the service creating loyalty where previously there was none (4 hours of work).
Improved overall attitude and alignment of employee who had no idea how he was inducing so many customer complaints, has not had one for a month now.

The second question is “What can a Coach/Trainer say that an HR specialist cannot?” – A coach never states anything we ask questions there is a beautiful art form to this as you are all well aware, words can be turned around, manipulated, contextualised differently etc. Here is a point I want to make very clear DO NO HARM. What does the client want? And do that and only that.

A trainer is a teller/demonstrator/assessor. They will say “If you do this you can expect these sorts of outcomes”. In the capacity of training it cannot be construed as constructive but, it certainly can as policy advice/house rules delivery or whatever else you want to call it. If a Manager or HR specialist said this without following due process or not in the context of a training session “Oh, boy!”.

Perhaps it is as simple as being damned by the function. There is a certain expectation of an HR specialist and employee's are super savvy now so they will push for the expectation and then shove when it is met (or not) by using our laws against us. So it is kinda handy having an external coach who knows HR rules, has walked in your shoe's and also has the skill of a coach/trainer and mentor help out when needed.

Self Leadership

2009-07-14T16:12:00.000-07:00

Self Leadership

Self Leadership is one of the first pre-requiste programmes to becoming a practitioner of NLP/NS but it is so much more than that. Introduction to NLP PDF and we have a two for one deal for the months of July and August, 2009 which means that you pay for one person and two can come along.

Give us three days and Curly Communications will give you the tools to change your perspective, change the way you see others and in particular change the way you see yourself. Not only that in this three day internationally certified programme with the International Institute of Neuro-Semantics you will receive some of the most amazing, life changing learnings
But first how many of these questions resonate with you?

Do you:

Tend to take things personally?
Allow that voice in your head to stop you in your tracks?
Go bright red because you’re embarrassed?
Have hissy fits because you are not coping with the stress?
Procrastinate only to discover it wasn’t as hard as you thought it was?
Do and say regrettable things and not know how to forgive yourself?

Now imagine for a moment that you were no longer doing those things. Imagine a new you, the one that has been busting to be released. Would that free you? Would you be able to sleep easier, would your relationships with work, exercise, people and money improve? Would you appear more confident and feel that way? How would it be if things were simply simpler, easier, funnier now?

This example may surprise you as it is my own personal story and it is pretty deep and perhaps you are similar to how I was, those many years ago.

14th November, 2006 and extract from my diary. If I apply this knowledge that I am learning right now I will stop feeling guilty all of the time, I will stop having bad dreams, I will not get constantly stupid phone calls about dumb things like ‘What’s for dinner”, I will sleep better because there will be no snoring, there will be no more downwards spiral conversations about my work, who I am and how I behave, I will no longer have to defend my friends and they will no longer have to defend me, there will be no money arguments, my things will not be wrecked, I will stop believing that I am fat, lazy and unworthy. I will be able to study guilt free and start being a geek again, I will stop complaining to my friends all the time about all the crap in my life. I will be able to work 100 hours a week and not feel bad about it. I will be able to do the things I want to do without anyone around to tell me I can’t. I will travel a lot and I will do what I love to do and help people. I will have a better career and perhaps one day I will even own my own house.

So what did I do? I left a relationship that was on the road to nowheresville, I completed my studies, I took up a different career for 9 months. I worked all the hours under the sun. My bad dreams stopped, my confidence grew, my independence grew. All negative conversations ceased, there was no more defending anyone. I started my own business. I have not had one broken glass, one stain or anything wrecked in over two years. I have been to Fiji three times and the Whitsundays for the first time. I own a car that cost more than $3K and I have kept all of my old friends and made some fantastic new ones. I work now for life, freedom and to only help other people. I took a leap of faith, that is what I did. But boy without this information I expect I would still be in the same situation I was in. The thought of that makes me want to cry.

So the solution? Attend the three day training, implement the tools and resources I will give you and be that person you want to be. I did and have not regretted a second of it! One of those achievements is Curly Communications Ltd

Areas this programme has helped people in:
Improving communication skills
Sales Skills dealing with the Cold Calling Dragon
Procrastination
Self Sabotage
Teenagers - peer pressure, aloneness, goal setting, focus, self esteem, confidence
Anger - Unreasonable outbursts, Road Rage, Tears at work
Decision Making - Being of two minds when one would be better
Relationship Management - Pretty much any kind
Goal setting
Dealing with painful memories
Changing behaviours
Mostly teaching others how to use it to help other people and simply manage themselves a bit better

To learn more about Self Leadership or NLP or Neuro Semantics

TESTIMONIAL
"I came from being a self confident, career focused individual to someone who had no job, no income, no self esteem. My life had come down to three little negative statements according to my head. Although they are little statements the power they had in my head was overwhelming, to the point where my friends and family did not recognise me as a person. Spending time in the company of Andrée has changed my attitude, outlook on life and as corny as this sounds. I am now in a career I love and adore, my confidence is the best it has ever been and just living life on an all time high." C. Naera Recruitment Consultant

“My new favourite question is “What do you mean by that”. Awesome! Eye Accessing is crazy. Thank you Curly, the course was great!!!!” Greg Wells Recruitment Manager

“Thank you Curly, this training has been awesome. I feel so empowered now. I don’t have to take on other peoples stuff anymore, it’s liberating.” Messina Rawiri Supervisor

2009-05-21T14:48:00.000-07:00

Do you know the Difference? Coach, Trainer, Mentor. . .

It’s only semantics. Nothing important but the question is, is a coach a coach, or is the label being used out of linguistic laziness or because historically the coach as we know it is often compared to a sports coach? Or is it for marketing purposes? Consumer perception tells me and most likely you, that many believe a coach is less expensive than a consultant or therapist, and less qualified or experienced. Perception or is it misconception? Well, I know a many six-figure coaches and a couple of seven-figure coaches, I also know several very reputable global coaching companies so we can throw that out the window. Question is are they coaching?

Could the label coach be another word for someone seriously experienced in something and we don’t know what else to call it? Should another label be applied? Perhaps mentor, consultant, therapist, counsellor or trainer?

Do you know the difference? Are you getting what you paid for or do you not buy because you don’t know what you’re getting? Are your leaders doing what they need to be doing to get the right results? Do you know what your labels mean? When your managers say “He needs more training” could it be the manager means “He needs coaching”.

As we all know labels can be very helpful when we know what they mean. Labels give us a reference point to work from. A basic standard to work with. In the context of coaching, do we really know what we are getting? What the word means? What the basic standard is? I make a humble attempt, using a generalist stance from my own discoveries, to answer this question in response to clear evidence that there is confusion.

Back in the days when I ran free through the fields, my coach was frequently yelling at me to do something, like “Get that ball,” “Run faster, Harper,” “Get to the left,” “That’s right, good girl,” “Now I want you to”. After making me run around like a maniac he would take the ball off me and show me a new cool trick to practise and practise and practise with. Then when it was time for a match, test time.

That is not coaching: that is called highly directive instruction with some evaluative judgment thrown in, perhaps with the intent to encourage? There will also be assessment of ability by the coach who will be trying to determine a) am I running and catching the ball to the standard? b) where are the gaps in my ability? In other words, training. So while the sports coach is yelling instruction and providing judgments such as “Good girl”, these are not the skills of a coach: this is the skill of a trainer.

The qualifications of a trainer can be diverse. Degrees in early childhood education, adult learning, psychology, human resources, and/or certification in neuro linguistic programming and neuro-semantics, and more and more often subject-matter experts promoted or transferred and then thrown in the deep end to survive it or if lucky develop into the role.

A mentor is often someone wise in the ways of. Been around the block a bit, knows the tips and tricks. Wily in their knowledge. They have walked their talk. The old (not necessarily age-dependent) sage if you like. They will often only offer if asked; being wise and all, they appreciate you need to learn from your own mistakes. When they do offer their knowledge, it is not up for debate – one will experience the eyebrow lift – it is, however, up for questioning, particularly around execution.

The mentor will work with people who have competence, who are strong in the procedure or process and who have tried a couple of different ways and now want to take the skill to another level. A good example could perhaps be someone who has been in the corporate game for twenty-odd years and now wants to go out on their own. They have the fundamentals, they have huge transferable skill and it is proven, but now it is applying that skill in a very different arena – running a business for self. The mentor will provide feedback/knowledge/information – when it is asked for but only then. They will not do it for you.

No qualifications are necessarily required although this does not mean that they won’t have them. More and more often we are seeing this service as voluntary, free and up to the mentor as to whether they will or not.

A consultant will charge for the knowledge. Consultants can do three things: tell you what to do, manage the project, or tell you what they are going to do and then go off and do it. They will do it faster and generally to a higher quality, or that is the expectation anyway. Know the difference between a consultant and a contractor. A consultant tells you; you tell a contractor. The skill of the contractor will depend on what skill base you have selected. A consultant is a subject-matter and execution expert. Again their qualifications are dependent on requirement but not necessary: experience is the key..

Therapy is Greek for treatment. Many therapists (in reference to psychotherapy or talk therapy) will call themselves counsellors or coaches simply because of the stigma some of us Kiwis associate with the term therapy, and again more and more frequently because they have a good understanding of the differences and are in fact coaches.

Therapy is considered by many a short or long term treatment. Treatment can be issued through exercise, prescription or discussion. There are many different kinds of therapists. Occupational: that is anything that occupies us, living, walking, eating, working, house cleaning and relationships. Occupational therapists work at a cognitive and behavioural level focusing on the negatives of the past to work toward a future. Art therapy is becoming more and more popular, dealing with expression of emotion: another way to work through issues and discover oneself and start building a new and more advised individual. Therapy is one of the few fields where qualifications are required. Makes perfect sense as some – not all –have the ability to administer medications. The key here is prescriptive, norms of usage. Highly procedural, step by step. Linear in its system.

The coach knows you have the answers, so there is no telling, no showing and no explanations, no evaluative judgments, no endorsements. A coach would never impose their ideas upon. You will not hear a good coach say, “Well, do you want to know what I think? Great work! You were absolutely right to do that.” In fact, it has been my experience that a coach detests providing opinion when they are wearing their coaching hat because they know that their opinion may not work for you and they also know that you are the expert. Only the others get to tell an expert what they think.

Coaches have a know-nothing attitude. A focus on the positives the negatives provide. So what this means is they work with healthy ego-strength because they ask plenty of questions and some of them can be pretty tough, and because they offer no opinion, judgement or endorsement you are going to need to have an ego that will provide all of that for you.
Coaches do use therapeutic models if there is slight tendency toward needing endorsement; however, if the coach identifies a further need, a recommendation to visit a therapist will be offered. The therapist will send the client back when they have worked their magic. It does not happen very often but it can. A general practitioner usually gets to them before a coach does. Most coaches have a good therapist they recommend just in case and vice versa.

Coaches have the ability to give you back the answers you provide in the way you provided it. You tell them what you are looking for and their curiosity, their attitude of you as the expert, combined with questioning, listening, mirroring and being the absolute opposite, will get you your answers, needs or solutions. The best analogy I can think of at this time is that a coach is a highly motivated student searching for the answers and you are the teacher, mentor, consultant, website and reference book that will get them the answers. The student (coach) will hunt the answer down until you say “got it”. Remember, you have all the answers, so coaches love know-it-alls.

Depending on the coach and what models they use will decide if they are linear or systemic. The type of models/templates will also depend on the qualification. More often than not there are accreditations and/or certifications.

Finally, a leader is supposed to have all of these qualities. A leader must know what skill he or she is using, when, how and why. Use the right skill at the right time for the right purpose and you have efficiency and will reduce peeving your people off and stop sending them to the trainer when it is not training they need. It is amazing how many do this because they do not know what they mean.

I know you can appreciate there is so much more to it than that. There is more to training than I have described; there is certainly more to being a consultant, contractor, mentor, therapist and coach. This is not all of the information. It is designed to be just enough to give you a definition. Almost all have the ability to cross over and this is where I believe most of the confusion is occurring.

Perhaps it is time for sports coaches to change their label? My sports coach was never just a coach: he was all over the place. He was a trainer, mentor, first-aider, guidance counsellor, chief nagger, provider of half-time oranges, and my friend.

As a trainer, coach, mentor, consultant and contractor my suggestion, and that is all it is, is – ask what service you are getting and keep looking until you get what you are looking for. I know many therapists and coaches will use their first session to tell you what you can expect. I said many, not all. Minimum all should be able to tell you what they are doing, why and when they are doing it.

Customer Suffers

2009-05-21T14:45:00.000-07:00

Customer Suffers - Simple Bacon and Eggs request

F’ing bollocks! I’m sitting in a big-brand café. You know the kind of place, where you expect a certain amount of service and great quality food on the affordable side. Mostly because grannies, 2.25-sized families and taxi drivers go there. In this instance, what the heck for I’ll never know.
So anyway, I go in and ask for bacon and eggs (fried), white toast and a side of avocado ($2.50 extra but is okay, that’s pretty standard). All is good. I go outside for a quick ciggy (nice they have a place for us disgusting smokers: not flash but it will do).

Food arrives shortly after: I think, excellent, that was quick; just as well because I have got some serious shopping to do.

I look down as the waitress places the food down. Bugger, brown bread. Never mind, I’m in a hurry. “Can I have some cutlery, please”? The waitress points to the other side of the restaurant. “Over there,” she says. Oh dear, I gotta get my own cutlery.

I look down at my bag, thinking, is it safe to leave here while I go all the way over there. Stuff it, off I go. Salt, pepper, cutlery – great. Get back to my table: relief, bag still there. Sit down: aw man, no butter. I go back to the counter and ask for butter FOR MY BROWN FLAMING TOAST! That will be 50 stupid cents, please. I’m not a moaner so I go back to my table and fish out 50 cents; my food’s probably going cold now.Of course, the experience is declining at a rate of knots. Back at my table now. Seated. Organised. Yay, those eggs look good, bacon looks yummy: at least they got that right. Yuuum, avocado, slice it – you’re kidding me, it’s not ripe, and you know what? The damn skin is still on it. At first I thought that it looked pretty: now I see it as just plain laziness.

Ah well, I’m in a hurry: just get stuck into it. Gawd, the table number they gave me is grotty. I butter my BROWN HORSE FOOD TOAST and stack my bacon on top, then the eggs. Why do restaurants do that? Everyone stacks eggs on top of bacon, bacon on the toast; why don’t they make it easy; don’t they realise that I’m in a hurry?Right, now I’m really organised. Here goes. I press my fork into my stack and my fork bends under the pressure. For gad’s sake!!
On reflection the place was a hole. What am I doing here??

DID YOU ASK YOURSELF "HOW WOULD THE EXPERIENCE HAVE BEEN BETTER?"
ANSWERS:Bacon and eggs:
Repeat the order back to make sure it is correct.

Ask if I would like the toast buttered for an extra 50 cents or simply make the price of the entire package 50 cents extra.

Tell me to pick up my cutlery and salt and pepper on my way to the table or relocate the cutlery to the counter area so it is obvious. Some might even say, when delivering the food take cutlery as well. This form of service is not to the brand’s style: yes, it would be an improvement but take into consideration that it is a predominately self-service-style property – although not immediately obvious to an à-la-carte diner

Have slightly better quality cutlery.

Ensure all facilities – salt, pepper, tables and table number – are clean.

Spruce the smokers’ area up a little bit more: smokers are smokers, not dogs, AND we like to spend money.

Watch the eating habits of all customers to see how food should be presented: if it’s 50/50 offer the option of stacked/not stacked.

Double-check order before presenting it to the customer – yes, even cooks/chefs make mistakes. Do not let anything less than the best out of the kitchen – snotty eggs are a big no-no.

Advise the customer as soon as possible that the avocado is not ripe and give the customer the option: refund me promptly if I say no-thanks. Refund me anyway: you’re giving me less than perfect quality. Can you imagine how impressed I would be to get my $2.50 back? It’s small but, boy, most customers would forgive every evil that had occurred earlier because it shows a level of professionalism and caring.

Check a few minutes later to make sure the food and service are how they should be. Tip: watch body language and listen to tone; people often won’t say anything.

Question: How much would it cost to correct this situation?

I reckon men have it tough what do you think??

2009-05-21T00:26:00.000-07:00

I am going to kick start this off with: These are just my opinions, they are not hard and fast, just simply thoughts generated from my work with men. I work and have worked predominately in male dominated industry, I have more brothers than I do sisters, I have more male friends than I do female, I have more male customers than I do female. Don’t know why it is, it just is.

I read this quote somewhere I think it was Abraham Lincoln “Men die at 25 and get buried at 65”. I was appalled but it is true! In the past six months specifically I can honestly say “I see dead people”. In my humble opinion our men are suffering from a horrible sense of helpless, hopelessness. I am noticing more and more that the essential maleness, the spirit of our men has gone walkabouts! Their juju, their spark - poof like smoke evaporating into thin air leaving cancer in its wake.

Sadly men I know are agreeing with me. Statistics on clinical depression, divorce and suicide rates are too. Nasty, and you know what? I think we (Females) might be part of the problem which in turn means we are most certainly part of the solution. Now let me get this straight, I said part of the problem not all of it.

Since December last year I have found and collated anecdotal ideas of where the problem lies. There is nothing scientific about this. It is not concrete fact. It is conversations with guys.

Who opens the door now?
I asked one male mate what the problem was he said, “We are no longer the superior race”. An interesting thought right there. What makes anyone think they are superior in the first place? Is this not a request to be slapped down? Is that it? Did we build them up and slap them down? It seems in our fight for equality we slapped our boys around a bit. We got equal and then we started to dominate. Woman started using man language and emulating masculine traits, we took on jobs that were traditionally male. Not only that we did a good job of it and continued on with our normal female duties too. We do everything and tell them so. So what purpose do they serve now? How do they contribute? And should they open the door for us or should we start opening the door for them?

Healthier thinking, healthier choices
Another male friend and I were discussing relationships. He made the statement “Men think nice car, get the girl”. Well all this sort of thinking is going to get them is pressure to keep up with the Jones’s. Pressure equals stress and then the question arises, does she love him or his money? This can lead to esteem issues, depression, a forty thousand dollar wedding and finally divorce where of course she will be a manipulative cow and will ultimately take what she can, leaving the guy with a broken spirit.

The difference between being funny and being an egg
I wondered about male to male interaction after talking with a very new friend who was upset when a friend of his started to call him a silly name behind his back. Man whore I think it was, not just once though, it had become a frequent occurrence. My new friend is determined to get married, have babies and live happily ever after, and I reckon he will do it too, good guy.

Anyway, his friend had started to call him this name (to others, never face to face) after reading some research my new friend had passed on regarding the female psyche. After discussion with my new buddy he determined that his friend simply did not have the emotional maturity to handle the information and the intent and context for which it was to be used. Instead he chose to turn it into something sordid and dirty. How I will never know, I read the information and it was a pretty neat body of work for guys.

Of course I had to ask if this guy was an actual friend thinking that if my friends called me a Man Whore it would be with a sense of pride, perhaps even envy and it would be directly in my face. In fact they would out right request the skill of it. They too would understand to call me a name would have consequences if not said with love and respect. So here goes, boys need to learn the difference between being funny and being an egg. When they are hurting and how it comes across as hating. It is my mind-read my new friend has had some pretty awesome male influence in his life and the other has not.

Media
In the spirit of being super helpful my new friend also suggested, "Try watching television ads closely. How often is the woman the smart intelligent succesful one and how often is the man the bumbling incapable idiot who needs a womans help for even the simplest decisions?"

Thought provoking. I never even saw that one coming.

Get Dad involved
After that interaction I started to read a book called Manhood gifted to me by you guessed it, a man. It was scary how aligned I am to this book, there is a section that speaks of the industrial age and suggests that is where the problem may have started. Men went to work in factories and the boys were then reared by females with a significantly shortened amount of male influence thereby males not learning how to be a male, except perhaps some short bits of advice such as ‘Men don’t cry’ and some behavioural surveillance of Dad coming home, taking off his hat, eating dinner, praising his wife for a good meal and then off to the sitting room for some quiet time with orders from Mum to the kids saying “Don’t disturb your father, he’s been working all day”. Awesome, I now understand my father’s relationship with his father – there wasn’t one and now I totally get why my little brother at the age of 4 loved wearing my bright yellow dress that had a big bow tie at the back. That was when Dad stepped in and changed all of that, so if you are thinking of joshing my brother about this I’d think twice.

They do not want to stay friends
As I was sitting in a bar engaging in a bit of drunken banter with about five guys (total strangers between 18-29) one of them said. Do you know what I hate? And I said “No mate, what do you hate?” He said “I hate it when you chic’s say, “I don’t love you anymore but we can be friends” he imitates a grating whiney female voice.

“I don’t want to be your friend”, he says in exasperation. “I want to shag you, I want to hug you, I want to love you, I want you to be at my side! I DO NOT”, he punctuates these words with a pointed finger “WANT” slight pause for effect “TO BE YOUR EFFING FRIEND” finishes with the perfect glower and a controlled fist slam on the table. This of course was applauded by the others at the table. Good advice for us I reckon. I rather liked the way he explained that.

Ill-logic
Interestingly a statistic I saw stated in the Manhood Book states that 4/5 marriages break up because the female broke it off. When I had the guys up about that one of them said “Yeah, well we don’t like to break up. It’s easier if you do it.” I asked “What? So you’re happy to just sit around torture us, screw around, say mean things and then act all surprised when we ditch your sad arse? What’s the purpose of that? Answer, “We don’t want to hurt you”.

“Right” I say. “So let me get this straight, you want to be dumped and you don’t want to stay friends?”
“Well we don’t want to be dumped if we love you.”
“Aha, but if you love me you may still screw around?”
“Yeah”
“Do you think there is a sick logic being applied here? Is it ok for me to screw around on you?”
“No, because you love us and women don’t screw around on the men they love”.
“Says who?” I ask with a lifted eyebrow

In this conversation there is a no win. We’re definitely drunk. And the ladies in the bar are getting annoyed with me (the old bat) as I am taking up their valuable pick up opportunities.

Page 64 He’s just not that into you
I quoted this page to a guy. I was told in a quietly dignified manner that “Some guy’s think they will die from rejection so won’t pick up the telephone”. I could have cried. So if you want to go out with a guy, pick up the damn phone yourself.

Yes they can be irritating
Men can be a royal pain in the you know what. Their unreasonable need for a standing ovation when they have accomplished something truly helpful such as place their towel in the laundry basket. Their inability to mask pain as they bleed to death from a paper cut. A strange relationship with the TV remote. How they can never find anything that is right in front of them.

But they are cool too
They will open a jar for you. I have never had a guy say “Do it yourself”. They like to be the drivers so we can just sit back and relax. They are not fussy eaters and anything you place in front of them will be wolfed down in seconds which makes you THE BEST COOK in the world! They are really good at silence. They will drive 180km in the dead of the night to be with you. They will hug you when your Pavalova collapses and the world has ended.

Men have a wonderful energy about them. An oppositeness that makes us uniquely different and so very complimentary. They are quirky, weird and strangely wondrous beings. I feel like yelling SAVE THE MALE. While it seems enormously inappropriate to word it like that, shall we?