I reckon men have it tough what do you think??

I am going to kick start this off with: These are just my opinions, they are not hard and fast, just simply thoughts generated from my work with men. I work and have worked predominately in male dominated industry, I have more brothers than I do sisters, I have more male friends than I do female, I have more male customers than I do female. Don’t know why it is, it just is.

I read this quote somewhere I think it was Abraham Lincoln “Men die at 25 and get buried at 65”. I was appalled but it is true! In the past six months specifically I can honestly say “I see dead people”. In my humble opinion our men are suffering from a horrible sense of helpless, hopelessness. I am noticing more and more that the essential maleness, the spirit of our men has gone walkabouts! Their juju, their spark - poof like smoke evaporating into thin air leaving cancer in its wake.

Sadly men I know are agreeing with me. Statistics on clinical depression, divorce and suicide rates are too. Nasty, and you know what? I think we (Females) might be part of the problem which in turn means we are most certainly part of the solution. Now let me get this straight, I said part of the problem not all of it.

Since December last year I have found and collated anecdotal ideas of where the problem lies. There is nothing scientific about this. It is not concrete fact. It is conversations with guys.

Who opens the door now?
I asked one male mate what the problem was he said, “We are no longer the superior race”. An interesting thought right there. What makes anyone think they are superior in the first place? Is this not a request to be slapped down? Is that it? Did we build them up and slap them down? It seems in our fight for equality we slapped our boys around a bit. We got equal and then we started to dominate. Woman started using man language and emulating masculine traits, we took on jobs that were traditionally male. Not only that we did a good job of it and continued on with our normal female duties too. We do everything and tell them so. So what purpose do they serve now? How do they contribute? And should they open the door for us or should we start opening the door for them?

Healthier thinking, healthier choices
Another male friend and I were discussing relationships. He made the statement “Men think nice car, get the girl”. Well all this sort of thinking is going to get them is pressure to keep up with the Jones’s. Pressure equals stress and then the question arises, does she love him or his money? This can lead to esteem issues, depression, a forty thousand dollar wedding and finally divorce where of course she will be a manipulative cow and will ultimately take what she can, leaving the guy with a broken spirit.

The difference between being funny and being an egg
I wondered about male to male interaction after talking with a very new friend who was upset when a friend of his started to call him a silly name behind his back. Man whore I think it was, not just once though, it had become a frequent occurrence. My new friend is determined to get married, have babies and live happily ever after, and I reckon he will do it too, good guy.

Anyway, his friend had started to call him this name (to others, never face to face) after reading some research my new friend had passed on regarding the female psyche. After discussion with my new buddy he determined that his friend simply did not have the emotional maturity to handle the information and the intent and context for which it was to be used. Instead he chose to turn it into something sordid and dirty. How I will never know, I read the information and it was a pretty neat body of work for guys.

Of course I had to ask if this guy was an actual friend thinking that if my friends called me a Man Whore it would be with a sense of pride, perhaps even envy and it would be directly in my face. In fact they would out right request the skill of it. They too would understand to call me a name would have consequences if not said with love and respect. So here goes, boys need to learn the difference between being funny and being an egg. When they are hurting and how it comes across as hating. It is my mind-read my new friend has had some pretty awesome male influence in his life and the other has not.

Media
In the spirit of being super helpful my new friend also suggested, "Try watching television ads closely. How often is the woman the smart intelligent succesful one and how often is the man the bumbling incapable idiot who needs a womans help for even the simplest decisions?"

Thought provoking. I never even saw that one coming.

Get Dad involved
After that interaction I started to read a book called Manhood gifted to me by you guessed it, a man. It was scary how aligned I am to this book, there is a section that speaks of the industrial age and suggests that is where the problem may have started. Men went to work in factories and the boys were then reared by females with a significantly shortened amount of male influence thereby males not learning how to be a male, except perhaps some short bits of advice such as ‘Men don’t cry’ and some behavioural surveillance of Dad coming home, taking off his hat, eating dinner, praising his wife for a good meal and then off to the sitting room for some quiet time with orders from Mum to the kids saying “Don’t disturb your father, he’s been working all day”. Awesome, I now understand my father’s relationship with his father – there wasn’t one and now I totally get why my little brother at the age of 4 loved wearing my bright yellow dress that had a big bow tie at the back. That was when Dad stepped in and changed all of that, so if you are thinking of joshing my brother about this I’d think twice.

They do not want to stay friends
As I was sitting in a bar engaging in a bit of drunken banter with about five guys (total strangers between 18-29) one of them said. Do you know what I hate? And I said “No mate, what do you hate?” He said “I hate it when you chic’s say, “I don’t love you anymore but we can be friends” he imitates a grating whiney female voice.

“I don’t want to be your friend”, he says in exasperation. “I want to shag you, I want to hug you, I want to love you, I want you to be at my side! I DO NOT”, he punctuates these words with a pointed finger “WANT” slight pause for effect “TO BE YOUR EFFING FRIEND” finishes with the perfect glower and a controlled fist slam on the table. This of course was applauded by the others at the table. Good advice for us I reckon. I rather liked the way he explained that.

Ill-logic
Interestingly a statistic I saw stated in the Manhood Book states that 4/5 marriages break up because the female broke it off. When I had the guys up about that one of them said “Yeah, well we don’t like to break up. It’s easier if you do it.” I asked “What? So you’re happy to just sit around torture us, screw around, say mean things and then act all surprised when we ditch your sad arse? What’s the purpose of that? Answer, “We don’t want to hurt you”.

“Right” I say. “So let me get this straight, you want to be dumped and you don’t want to stay friends?”
“Well we don’t want to be dumped if we love you.”
“Aha, but if you love me you may still screw around?”
“Yeah”
“Do you think there is a sick logic being applied here? Is it ok for me to screw around on you?”
“No, because you love us and women don’t screw around on the men they love”.
“Says who?” I ask with a lifted eyebrow

In this conversation there is a no win. We’re definitely drunk. And the ladies in the bar are getting annoyed with me (the old bat) as I am taking up their valuable pick up opportunities.

Page 64 He’s just not that into you
I quoted this page to a guy. I was told in a quietly dignified manner that “Some guy’s think they will die from rejection so won’t pick up the telephone”. I could have cried. So if you want to go out with a guy, pick up the damn phone yourself.

Yes they can be irritating
Men can be a royal pain in the you know what. Their unreasonable need for a standing ovation when they have accomplished something truly helpful such as place their towel in the laundry basket. Their inability to mask pain as they bleed to death from a paper cut. A strange relationship with the TV remote. How they can never find anything that is right in front of them.

But they are cool too
They will open a jar for you. I have never had a guy say “Do it yourself”. They like to be the drivers so we can just sit back and relax. They are not fussy eaters and anything you place in front of them will be wolfed down in seconds which makes you THE BEST COOK in the world! They are really good at silence. They will drive 180km in the dead of the night to be with you. They will hug you when your Pavalova collapses and the world has ended.

Men have a wonderful energy about them. An oppositeness that makes us uniquely different and so very complimentary. They are quirky, weird and strangely wondrous beings. I feel like yelling SAVE THE MALE. While it seems enormously inappropriate to word it like that, shall we?